My heart... Only have space for you.

PASSING OUT PARADE !

2009-03-11T19:33:00.001-07:00

WOOT I finally had tons of time to update this blog of mine. =]

It was GREAT ! I had no idea how I completed my 24km route march and even had the energy to do my passing out parade. Every 4km was a tiring but fun one, all of us were lacking in sleep because of the rehearsal, area cleaning and many other sai kang. [etc, derusting of bayonet, putting newspaper/plastic cover for the bunk and all those stupid headsout !] Heh, all of Hawk Company made it anyway !

Meh... 5 hours of sleep before the day of our route march, our sergeants promised us sleep but... The sergeants from other platoon kept asking us to do sai kang for them. WTH? We need sleeeeeppp... Its unfair, Gah whatever.

My POP parade. Parents came to put on my cap for me, took pictures with our sergeants and platoon mates. Will miss some of the people and stuff during this 3 months of life in tekong.

Last but not least... HAWK ROCKS !

2008-04-10T09:07:00.000-07:00

Thanks ar... For sending me the letter of enlistment so fast. Nuuu~ My last 3 months.

Need to redye my hair for the check up + funeral photo LOL [kidding photo taking anyway], and needs to be super short... oh no that kinda sucks, need to waste extra $$$ to redye and cut my hair when they are gonna shave my hair botak during july. shiit... nightmare ~

To hold on to what I have and to let go of what I do not have... is important to me. From now on... I will most likely make good use of the time that is left for me. To enjoy my life as much as I can. [: +++ To train very hard for BMT cause its gonna be hell for me. ahh

I doubt anyone will actually care... hais not even my family members when they are all rushing me to get enlist. WTHHH want me to go so badly. =/ sad... Theres no place I would call home... hais, Whatever.

Other than that... Not much things that I can post, Pangya flop like hell but its ok, No biggie :D Its not like games is everything to me right? ^^ ~

c0ckr0ach and its rank.

2008-03-30T10:33:00.000-07:00

Touch pro B... Slacking for the past 3 days, should I really be happy? 32 left over muffin... By right it should have been used up b4 the x2 event end.

And I actually fell asleep waiting for players. =/

Really hard to get decent players.

c0ckr0ach and their ranking -

c0ckr0ach are quitters in PangyaSEA and they are often very dangerous, They can destroy your exp intake and causes you to have an enlarge heart [when you get really pissed off] ... Or the most common cases, spoil your mood for the day.

With the introduction done lets split them into their ranks.

Baby Roach - Compared to the soldier roach, This kind is not as common, rookies with lousy game combo qualify them for this rank. Its hard to spot them if your Not careful enough.

Soldier Roach - The most common kind, beginner+ ranks with a quit rate of 3.1% to 9.9% not as dangerous as it can be spotted easily.

Wings Roach - The most dangerous kind, beginner+ ranks with wings in their gender icon. Meaning non-quitters roach which quits halfway in your game. VERY hard to spot and its very deadly. They often reveal their true form when they are having a bad game or losing badly.

Queen Roach - The mother of all roaches, players with 10% + quit rate are classify as Queen. They are however not as deadly as the wing-ed ones and are very easy to spot as they are un-usually BIG. Their main job is just to give spawn to the others roaches. Its rare BTW.

King Roach - Dam this roach is worst than the queen. Roaches that got killed by the c0ckr0ach hunters came back to life and take the form of the king roach. They are very annoying and often gives of "buzzing" sound [like spamming bad words and stuff] which is very easy to counter. They often invade the c0ckr0ach hunter base and simply just wont DIE.

c0ckr0ach hunter - Their job obviously was to kill off roaches, special ability... Nothing much, Just those special KICK, however when dealing with the king roach... they may be able to do their combo KICKS on them.

D.i.Y[JeanJojo] <<< Queen Wings Roach [Special rank]

Freaking dangerous as I have to post something about her, The newly Evolved KIND... I almost got killed off by this roach. Thanks to my partner Icy, I'm able to get rid of her. LOL

Non- quitters with angel wings. Able to DC without getting quit rate when in danger, Has the ability to kill c0ckr0ach hunters. Rank of PRO and above.

PangyaSea is filled with c0ckr0ach ! Be on your guard at all times.

jaa ~

2008-03-24T10:59:00.000-07:00

Finally x2 Exp and Pangs Event over le...

Slacking till 28th...

Cant reach pro A... Quite sad.

Staying at ugly colour for 3 Years...

... Finally Finally... ... ... ... ... =/

2008-03-19T14:59:00.000-07:00

Thanks guys for the Soccer match yesterday... Nice to see your again after so long. Soccer rocks ! ~

Getting really weak... Cant run as much as I used to when I'm young LOL. Must be the results of slacking and crappy life style. When was the last time did I actually do some sports. dotsss... Ages ago ~

Anyway, it was real fun ! Thanks !! If we can all go back to the past ~ The happy memories shall stay.

Will lead a healthy life style starting from 15th april. ~ Thats a promise to myself.

A promise is a promise eh? Used to tell this to her every now and then... When I say something, I make sure I do that. I wont let anyone or myself down... I wont go back on my words... Thats me... ~

Whats wrong with you... Again and again, I'm so close to giving up... I ran out of ways to help you, Infact... I cant even help myself, cant even save myself. hahas... How can I help you? Teach me... I'll do anything. Serious.

My tears are for you and you alone... I'll be right here with you... For as long as I can.

Will not be playing my main account in pangya anymore. 1 more exp to Pro E, wont be lvling I guess... I also made a rookie ~ lol... For fun. Just find it bored without stuff to do and look forward to. I doubt I have the time to play anyway ~~

Still the same ! Why still the same ??? Time and again time and again... Used to it anyway. Its always me... My fault. I guess its about time, to also give up trying.

I believe in fate... Its fate that brought all of us together, I had happy and unhappy time with you guys... but I guess, Its over. Thanks for everything that you guys did for me...

You guys are better off without me... I did what I thought was the best for everyone. Sorry... Good things always comes to an end. Its the memories that I cherish most.

The first time that we met... Was the best ! Including... Yup only I know who he is.

Downloaded gunbound with chingay... Dots nothing better to do. Mammoth Tag ! lol...

6 More days... Its just 6 more days... I can wait. I know I can.

Movies, Food, Games... waiting for it. ~

Thinking of making this blog private... What do you guys think? Is it better to hide my blog away from ppl? ._. Sometimes I just need a place to type, think, remember and to get rid of things that are on my mind. Dont want anybody to get stress, brood, comment or ask about my life...

If you guys feel stress or uneasy when your reading my post... Leave a msg for me in msn or my tagbox to tell me, So I can make this into a private blog. Thanks once again !

2008-03-12T19:18:00.000-07:00

I would just smile and laugh at everything...

That wont hurt anyone would it?

The me everyone wants to see... Will appear right before you guys. Yup

Last day for jer... All the best, Its just 2 months... A bunch of others are waiting for you.

Will be joining you soon.

2008-03-10T21:51:00.000-07:00

It turned out all to be a mistake...

My fault for going anyway...

Do me a favour by not mentioning the word gathering in future... Because, I wont be a part of it...
There wont be a next time I'm sure...

I'm walking in the rain again... Alone.

It really sucks to have 'friends' ... be it on9 or r/l

Or... Can they even be considered to be my friends.

Well... I'm a lousy friend too. hahas

They are just my playmate bah I guess...

Most of the time... I just want to be alone...

Alone thats what I wished for... Whats the price for it? =/

The price of a wish...

2008-03-08T13:36:00.000-08:00

Finally had a good long sleep, 6am to 6.30pm wahahax... Havan been so refreshed ever since... When? lol.

Broke recently... Lost my POSB card... so no $$$ Ever since i stopped school... Parents never gave me any pocket money. Hard to survive myself, lol... I will get my POSB card back for sure.

Still bought a 4 gig memory stick and a Psp slim ! For what? <3 pink lol... Still waiting for crisis core ~ Then I will be real broke.

If you had a wish, what would you wish for?

For me... I have no wish or rather, wont be wishing for anything.

After watching Tsubasa, I finally threw all my wishes and desire away. The price of a wish... Is not what anyone would be able to pay. So why wish?

Knowing when to cry is also a display of strength...

I have not cried ever since I was 17, I wont allow myself to cry again... for sure. Tears are Frozen aready ~ whee. I am of no emotion... stay far away from me.

Look forward if you have something to do...

I am always looking down... as there is nothing in life to look forward to. Where is my freaking confidence man, I promised someone... but my confidence never came back ~ Because... There is Memories.

<3 Tsubasa... When will esp 3 ever be released? Waiting ~

Giving up also means running away... Does running away solve the problem? Thats what I always did, I doubt I will ever change myself...
Giving up on someone close, Giving up on friends and maybe... even on life. Yea life.

Suddenly... I got a new mei... and i mean suddenly, I dont remember even accepting... Dots whatever... It wont hurt will it... I bet it will. Ouch

Wanting to get into Ns fast... Seems like my fear for Ns is no longer there.

Somemore I will be going in during the hungry ghost festival, woo hoo ! congrates... If i would be so lucky on other things. hahas
So i no need to geng... See 'Illusion' ... I bet it will be real.

After my BMT... sure got alot of 'fun' story to share.

x_x

Yume No Tsubasa - Wings of Dreams

2008-03-06T03:37:00.000-08:00

Yume No Tsubasa - Wings of Dreams

Even like this, the two of us came to faraway
Your smile from while you were young
Back then won’t return anymore

I love the world in which you laugh
And I want to be by your side, just that
With pains that I started to forget in my chest

Time goes by
The flow of time changes the two of us
But the things that we’ve lost and things that we dream of, too
I’ll take your hand and remember them
Always, by your side

Because I want to remember even the sad things
On your map
Please leave a page for me

The wind that blows from the future
You believed in it back then
Tomorrow, soar higher up…

Time goes by
Even if time passes,
I’m sure that unchanging things exist
Because I can’t reach them, because I want to find them
I’ll go search for the wings of dreams
Please be by my side, forever…

La la la…
I’ll be by your side, forever…

):

Suddenly...

2008-03-04T08:59:00.000-08:00

I wonder why I felt like blogging all of a sudden. Blogging -

After so long... The first time that i actually talked to her, She was so down... Just by chatting with her, I can feel the pain within her. I would rather be the one suffering. It hurts me more just to watch.

Out of nowhere
She asked Me when I will be going to Ns...
I answered her... Its not really important for you to know.
She said its important as I'm someone important to her
I laugh...
As... I was never important to anyone.

Dont tell me that I'm important, As I no longer feel it anymore.

There was once when I felt happy. Yea really happy... Finally felt what its like to be important, But that turn out all to be crap... I realised, that I was just being used... I was thrown away just like rubbish... I was never important.

Its ok... I'm really used to it. The sad things are there to make us stronger eh? How much more sad things must I overcome to be really strong... I wonder.

I'm always hiding my words... my thoughts and my feelings inside myself, I'm at a loss to what I can really say... Do I have the right to say anything in the first place? I can only watch.

If a human can get rid of all his feelings, memories and thoughts... That would be the perfect thing for me to do seriously. I want to get rid of those badly.

Breaking free... Soon, the day when I really break free will soon arrive. Looking forward to it.
The day when I finally break free... even from my family.

Really like Tsubasa anime,manga and sound track. Its like wow... Its rare to find a story that makes your heart cry. First understand it... and you will enjoy every part of it.

Learn to love before you asked for love. If can... I want to protect the one I love, with all the strength I got... Dont hurt her -

2008-02-10T02:05:00.000-08:00

Felt like spamming bad words now... how?

Nothing is ever right for me. EVEN when playing games. GREAT

I would be lying if I told you I've forgotten.
Yea. Im lying... So what?

Look... Whats the point of telling me that now?
The past dont affect me you know?

I'm boiling... How much can i tolerate? How much can i hold?
I need to find out myself.

You just pissed me off.
So be it. I dont care.

Sometimes... I wished, I'm not even here.
Yea... I can do that sometimes i think.

Why is it so hard to remember the happy things and so easy to remember the unhappy things?
That cause my brain chose to. What can I DO?

I need to get them off my mind.
Seriously need to.

Gone, From the surface of earth.

|ifE -

2008-01-27T02:03:00.000-08:00

In life, Many things happen for a reason... Its up to you yourself to find out the reason.

Things that you have/given to you are to be cherished. Dont ever take things for granted for you may regret it sooner or later.

Treat others, the same way you want others to treat you. (:

Its harder to do than to say. ~

My mind rocks... as i can think till the things that nobody will be able to thought of. x)
Its called. Think too much. =.=

Crap posting for the first half. gomen ~

But the second half is even worst. LOL !

Today...

Pc bunk - blah blah blah till 3pm+ then...

Pool !!! ~ I would rather swim actually. Lols ! Im noob in pool =x ... then ...

Pc bunk again. Played till umm... 8pm+ then...

Food. wow first meal of the day. jian fei :D wonder why I'm always the slowest to finish eating.

Ke lian. I tried my best =O But... hai shi zhe me man... x_x

Then time for HOME... heart going for the taxi stand...

But end up in the MRT :D ... bought bubble TEA then... took a freaking long walked home =.=

<3 gou ai. nice song. x) listened to it till...

I reached my house :D

Then... Py tour and tour again. lols

End Of Summary.

Marks given. 3/10 Failed LOL dumb. lazy lahs. (:

Write a better one next time. :D

2008-01-26T09:27:00.001-08:00

The post of after a very very long time ~

Firstly... would like to apologise to one person... =/ sorry broke my promise and went pubbing without you... but i kept the other part of my promise. ): Sorry ! Specially updated it for you... so... yahs. ><><

Applied for a 3 years leave from school. Hows that... you guys will think its fun not going to school. =.= But it sucks. At the very least theres you and a bunch of others there... =/ beats rotting away at home. waaa makes me feel so like going back. ): Can I? by the time Im able to... yous guys will no longer be around. hais =/

Ns check up soon. Meaning? the closer Im getting into Ns. yay? ): Theres tons of things I still cant seems to put down... ><>< im sure this weak me will be gone once Im out of Ns. jaa ~ (:

Im a gamer no more. the only game I have been playing is pangya. The rest... cant seems to focus, Maybe I should get back to my no life living style? =/ that sucks.

Seal... is so 'fun' training training and? More trainings. cannot tahan... I wonder how icy is able to do that =.= Pangya nehs? Wind hell wind hell... the map that I wont be able to break in my entire life span i guess. Makes me hate it. =.= lol... as for dota My mouse spoilt... so its time for me to get a mouse change x)

I kept trying to be perfect. But Im just a human? What can you expect... its tiring... but Im trying hard =/ to let you see the other side of me... I need YOU to understand me.I have changed alot.

And believe me... Its ALOT =/

Thats all for today. jaa ~

2007-08-12T08:05:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday to you.

Although I cant celebrate you birthday like i used to last time... I will remember this day forever as it is important to me.

So many things to ask... But nothing came out when i saw you.

I just want to see you smile everytime-

All the best in life. (:

2007-07-11T06:58:00.000-07:00

Sian-ed, sicked of life... what to do?

Dota, prob with clanmate/friends spoil mood... if you think your good enough, then good luck in your clan. I will quit. replay aready shows that your at fault, so... stop giving me all that crap -

Pangya, what? its worst... log in... chat then log out. Dead... what happened to me? I'm so tired... till I don't feel like playing/staying in pangya.

Same old things everyday - bored to tears... thats why you see me here typing this post.

Should I, or should I not... who give a dam, It wont make a diff.

2007-07-04T08:51:00.000-07:00

Dissappointed... Life just sucks -

2007-06-25T16:21:00.000-07:00

Fight for the things that makes you happy...

Maybe, I should just stop hurting the people thats around me. Will things still be the same if I try hard enough? Confused and stress -

jing tian - ni xiang wo ti chu fen shou, wo ye da ying le... ke neng zhe yang zhuo, cai shi dui ni zui gong ping de - bu zhi bu jue yi jing guo le na me jiu... wo xiang wo cong lai dou mei you jing wo de ben fen. wo yi zhi yi lai ye mei you guai gou ni, ying wei... wen ti chu zai wo zi ji. xiang dui ni shuo shen dui bu qi, xiang xing ni yi ding hui zhao dao yi ge bi wo hao yi bai bei, huo yi qian bei de ren - hen gao xing ren shi ni (:

Did I do the right thing by letting you go?
I guess - Its only fair.

Its hard learning to let things go, especially the things that is important to you.

>_0 take cares.

2007-06-23T10:21:00.000-07:00

What can I still say? Nothing-

Ohana- No one gets left behind when it comes to family. `[._.]` the meaning of blockhead? anyone understand it?

Regret for asking you change IGN, maybe i should hav stick with my old IGN instead... maybe... the whole thing is my fault, sorry for asking your change IGN, Gomenasai - whats the point now? A promise is a promise... since I had said it, I will do it. Daijobu- I will change my IGN and remove that blockhead - I wanna be the one thats being left behind... I understand. jaa nahs. I will go-

Ps. Bad mood for today... dao-ed jie the entire game, she deleted everyone from buddy and change IGN to make everyone look for her... when I found her, she said its was not fun at all as I had found her easily. i told myself... its not fun, not fun at all, proceed to delete her off my buddy... I said to her : "since you don't want anyone to find you... i shall stop finding you anymore." sayonara-

Sleep- hope I can sleep on forever, don't bother me... Just leave me alone.

your totally different from her... maybe, too different... not someone i will like - and I'm not someone you will like. Maybe... Its time you stop calling me dear, it will be unfair to you as we belongs to 2 different world - take care. -

2007-06-09T11:25:00.000-07:00

whee ~ Changed my pangya IGN... kinda miss my old one ): lols, ppl hav been pming me with stuff like "whats your previous ign?" "who are you?" "are you P1G?" ... hmmz maybe I've changed my IGN too much le bahs... too much till they don't know. I'm currently `[._.]`Zai-Jutsu, Ohana rox ! (:

Guild battle rox... had fun wif the battles (: challenging. This is freaky ._. 4 times vs 19th hole 4 times my opponent is kaka. plain weird... lols ._. game system like to pair us both =P went to MeoW tour today ... >< dun noe how I came in first... cheated using my main account while the others using rookies. haiz =/

Feelings ._. Heart =/ ... I guess... the cut will always remain deep in my heart, no matter how hard I tried... I'm not able to do it, I'm weak... why am I weak? because... your not around with me anymore... I lost... not to anyone, but to myself... oh sheesh, parry your one big loser ! nahz... its ok... (: I'm forever a loser. =/

My eyes hurt ._. is it due to gaming too much or? ... haiz I had no idea, chatted with angel mei a few days back, she can sense that I'm not alright =/ Thanks for being on my side.... thanks for being there for me when I needed someone ): stay happy always kays (:

I remembered the first time I told you I like you, april fool day... which you took it as a joke. I remembered... the first time I sent you back home... (: it took me 2 days before I finally gathered enough courage to do that. I remembered the first gift i gave you... A drawing which I drew... I remembered the first time you cried infront of me... I vowed to love only you. I remembered the day I told you that I'll give you up... and gave you a 4 leaf clover necklace for luck in everything you do, I remembered the last xmas present I gave you... Stars folded just for you and you alone. My love for you never changed... but, you don't belongs to me anymore... I'm left alone, here... in this world with only myself to blame.

Blur vision... why water kept coming out from my eyes? ... water fell from my eyes as my heart kept bleeding... I hate myself ):

I'm sorry... I've hurt you, I promised... there won't be a next time... Gomenasai ):

As... everything is too late now... =/

2007-06-03T08:30:00.000-07:00

ARGH... I'm getting real sick of life, boring boring boring... everythings is boring for me. I got sick of pangya, got sick of my guild got sick of everythings that around me. DAM !

Freaking hell... today log in pangya only play 1 18h vs wif vin. 18h ss 40 sec, won wif a score of -24 to -22 (: normally i would hav spam 18h vs from afternoon till night... recently juz dun hav the mood to do so. =.= MY exp intake is so dam SLOW now... AHHH how the hell am i suppose to catch up wif sebas and be the next semi pro B. gay =.=

I've no reason to feel jealous... Your not meant to be mine right from the start, why am I still holding on to you? I can't let you go ): only me myself knows how much I'm missing you... Life sucks without you... argh. If only i hav the courage to tell you how i feel... maybe things would hav been different, maybe... he wont be the one thats beside you right now...

Your not her... I can't be so selfish as to... take you for her? I dun noe, sometimes you juz remind me of her. I don't know what your thinking at times... what your doing really confuse me. I'm trying hard to forget her >< but... I don't know if its worth it or not. whatever... I may juz be a nobody to you anyway. =/ maybe... your not what I expect you to be.

Its easy to fall in love but its hard to forget... ):

I will always be right here waiting for you... as always (:

2007-05-23T18:33:00.000-07:00

I wish someone would show me the way back into the past. =/

If given a wish... what would your wish for? For me... I wish I would be given another chance to do things right, to turn back time maybe. To start life all over again.

I don't know if your happy or not... but... I can tell that your much happier now. Much happier than last time. >< I miss the time we used to be together... though everything is too late now, I still want you to be happy with him =] smile always...

Been having sleepless night... cant get to sleep... or should i say I don't wanna sleep. =/ argh... I'm tired... I seriously need a break, too much of gaming kills -.-lll

Maybe... I'm just too selfish, Gomenasai... I promise that there wont be next time.